Saturday, April 03, 2004
Mixed feeling..
So what if I did those things..
Can't you juz give me a chance to change..
Why others give me time but yet you don't..
How do you expect me to change overnight..
Yes I was fine few the whole of this week..
But I can't be sure that I can control myself..
Yes I did promise you..
And yes I broke the promise..
But don't you know how much you mean to me..
At least now I didn't do it as often as last time..
I'll get better for sure..
If there's a will there's a way..
And I know I can stop all those someday..
Why must you do this to me..
So by saying all those I will stop..
I can't control ok..
I can't..
So what if I don't treat you the way I should..
But my heart never change..
You'll always be my best friend..
But since you said those words to me that day..
I was so heart broken..
So pain..
Can't believe that my best friend will ever say that to me..
I just don't understand..
Why must I change in such a short time..
At least I reduce the no. of times I did it and slowly stop rite..
I know you're doing all those for my own good I know..
I know exactly what you meant..
But I can't I can't I can't change in such a short time..
Haiz..
Recently I'm not in a good mood..
Might be moodswings..
Haiz..
I hate it..
My darling is always there for me..
Really glad that she's understanding..
Haiz..
Even though she could be there..
I don't feel any better..
She can't solve the prob for me..
Haiz..
Had been crying agn..
I hate it..
Why must I be such a emotional person..
Why..
Everyone is getting irritated with me..
I know..
I'm piss-ed with myself too..
Is so exhausting to have to cry so many times..
Haiz..
Wish I could call you and talk to you..
But from what I see..
When I told you I got things to tell you..
You're like so tired and everything..
I don't wish to bother you..
So I kept everything to myself..
No one knows why I'm like that this few days..
Just wish that I could bleat everything to you..
But I don't feel gd..
Coz you too I believe are tired with your own probs..
Haiz..
I cried while having morning runs you don't know..
You wasn't there..
Thought that i could keep running and not think but i failed..
Was hoping for you to be there so that i can tell you what hpn..
But i can't..
And i cired for cetain reasons which i can't write it here..
Coz someone might be reading it..
Haiz..
I wish I could talk to someone who understands me fully..
If anyone thinks that you can actually understand me pls tell me..
So that I could tell you everything that's within me..
And not keeping everything to myself..
I don't like to talk to ppl who will always talk back and provoke me..
I need someone who understands me fully..
Haiz..
I just hope that I wouldn't do it agn and that my relationship with you would get better..
Haiz..
I don't like it when you keep turning to her..
I felt so left out..
Maybe you don't treat me as your best friend anymore..
I don't know..
I don't wish to be so distant from you..
Haiz..
How would you ever understand this..
*Tired,Stress,Confused,Pain,Heart broken..etc..*
♥ Purple Love™ addicted to purple at: 10:46 AM
Sunday, March 28, 2004
Lei..
Today had oral..
Haha..
Late for oral for like 1 hr..
Suppose to be in sch at 7.30am..
But instead I reached at 8.30am..
Haiz..
I'm worried now..
If I 'O' level like that how..
Haiz..
Anyway was lucky that the oral was like damn long..
It took them 1 hr plus to be my turn starting from 7.30 lahz..
Which means that my oral was at 9 plus can..
Haiz..
Anyway mange to take my oral lahz..
Haiz..
Guess I really run very fast yest till now I'm like aching all over..
Haiz..
Didn't do stretching before running that's why..
Haiz..
Don't know why I'm like so tired..
Now can't play much..
Got to do studying for my Chinese le..
Or not I'll juz remain in the D class..
Which I'm not suppose to..
Haiz..
Anyway..
Darling cut my hair..
Haha..
She so smart..
So ke ai..
Although is not very obvious..
Coz I don't want it to be too obvious..
Is nice and I like it..
Hee..
Haiz..
Thinking bout lotsa things now..
Don't why..
Suppose to be with my cousins now watching movie..
But what am I doing here thinking bout those things..
Haiz..
So sad..
Didn't go with my cousins..
Haiz..
Once I think abt one thing..
It will link to another..
And like that link here and there..
I feel so sad..
Haiz..
So much things in my mind..
Really very fan at times..
Juz wish that I could juz be a simple person..
So innocent..
Don't have to be bothered much by all this..
Haiz..
Life are juz so hard to live..
Sometimes I still think of doing alll the silly things which I used to do..
But I can say I did control..
I know is silly..
Last time was practically like my 'hobby' to do it..
But no way am I going back..
I'm strong I believe..
Haiz..
I'm tired of acting so strong like nothing happen..
Many things had been bothering me..
But all I did was juz to hid it away..
Haiz..
Nothing much to say or type..
Tired of living..
Got to juz continue working hard..
Haiz..
Guess after this 'O's thing I'll be much free in handling my other things..
Right now..
I'M A STUDENT..
MY JOB IS TO STUDY..
AND NOTHING BUT STUDY..
♥ Purple Love™ addicted to purple at: 2:49 AM
